sorry

somehow i clicked the wrong blog name before i got on my soapbox. :-)
sorry serendipity
i'm blinded by a mother's rage....

don't fence me in

place a cheetah in a 10x12 cage and tell it to be a cheetah. it can't. it can't continue to exhibit cheetah characteristics in a cage. eventually, a caged cheetah will die. and so it is with highly intelligent children. stupefy them by placing them in a classroom with less intelligent children and intolerent teachers in order to "socialize" them, and they too will die. perhaps not physically, but intellectually and emotionally they will whither. they will attempt to be like everyone else in order to be "accepted" (by the way, acceptence is the whole point of "socialization".) but a gifted child will realize quite quickly that she cannot communicate well with her peers because of her advanced vocabulary. therefore, she will not be accepted by those of her age group in an traditional educational scenario. most teachers are not qualified to handle an exceptional child. these teachers will not know what to do with a 5 year old with spatial and critical thinking skills. and therefore, will not be very accepting of the child. teaching an exceptional child is just as difficult as teaching a with learning deficiencies though very few educators recognize this truth. so we have another educational quandary. heritage will only expect emmy into their pre-school program. (they play, count to ten and say the abc's for an entire year.) emmy might commit suicide. i highly doubt it would improve her social skills. we were worried about her blowing away the other children in k-5, but pre-k. ??? all the experts say to avoid socialization. kids are smart and will figure out the p's and q's of society quickly. but what to do with her next year?
we are certainly not going to fence her in by holding her back and crushing her desire to learn. God made her this way, we don't have the right to change that, and either does anyone else.

don't panic- just obey the instructions

yesterday i panicked. i panicked because i could feel old yearnings that i thought had been cast aside creeping into my heart. and so i did something i should do more often. i went straight to Corinithians and read this:

"But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you do not give in to it."

there was my way out. just running to God instead of trying to talk myself into a different direction. and so i just pushed in my chair and on the way over to the gym, i said to the Lord, "show me the way out." and He did. and that panicky feeling was replaced with a sprout of hope and a lot of love. and His whisper stirred my heart and said, "when i say none, i mean none. i AM faithful" yes! yes! yes!

brackets and basketball

i don't know why i do it, but every year i fill out a college basketball bracket and hope that i can forsee which team will win. i could care less about sports, especially basketball, but these pumped-up, testosterone-filled boys running down the halls passing out grainy copies of a computer print-out gets me excited. suddenly what i couldn't have cared less about five minutes previously, i am deeply intrigued with. what i knew nothing about just moments before, i become an expert on. i can't help but think anyone in this position would be the same. it is one thing they love. they soak in. they know all about. they talk about and research and debate. and there they are with just one single sheet of paper that will act as your pass into their world for just a little bit of time. it doesn't matter to them that i score in the bottom of the pile every year, or that i pick teams based on how much i like their names ( which is why gonzaga has made it to the final two in every bracket i have ever written) it just matters that i am happy about filling out the spidery maze and writing in a team to "go all the way." so that is why today i have kept an automatically refreshed scoreboard on the computer and why i act just as enthralled with jump-balls and overtimes and upsets as they do. because it is part of the human side of me that reaches out to the human side of them, and , in turn, they reach right back to me. and sometimes that is the most important part of being their teacher.

musings

as of today, it has been a week since i visited the old college haunts and played amoungst some old college friends. i have let the whole thing settle upon me before i could really find the true things to say. visits like this one touch me. i can go to a neighbors house or to a church function or to some outing and it never really crosses my mind again, but it is my nature to let precious things take hold of me and cocoon me. they bother me- not in a bad way, but in the way that i can't forget. i get bound- and for quite a while. so this is what i learned about myself on this trip:
* i get afraid that people won't like me, so i withdraw into myself, peering out from behind my heart hoping that others will see how deep i feel.
* i can't go back in one sense of the word; but God made me so that i can in some ways- and i find satisfaction in remembering the blessings of the past. it is much like the rock altar's in the wilderness- i can "see" in my mind the things that God has used to shape me. and i love to go back to them and remember the good and the bad of those lessons.
* i can be quite reserved when i feel insignificant and quite boisterous when i feel accepted.
* i wish people wouldn't tiptoe around me- i can take it.
* i love having fun. i love being silly. i can't help it that at 31, i still love to act like a fruit-loop.
* i am who i am, and it is time to stop using my "acting skills" to chameleon myself into a persona for the circumstance. being real is the only way God can refine me into a shining vessel for His reflection.
* i love very, very, very deeply and it intrigues me that that means very little to some.
* i forgive easily, but i don't forget. i'm forgiven easily by those who love me, but i still don't forget. i need to.
* i need to pray more personally and less formally and just say what i need to say. God knows it anyway- He will sort out my heart if i let Him.
* i revel in listening to people and think about what they have said long after the conversation is over.
* it would do me good to speak out more when something bothers me- i shouldn't carry it around like a coat
* i can only do so much and i shouldn't beat myself up over not being able to do more. i have to realize that God uses other's talents to fill in the holes that i have not the talent to fill. i didn't get every gift- i need to get over it and thank God for the ones He's given me.
* i love art and i'm thankful elea told me to buy the bowl. now she needs the chair.
* i learn a lot from such simple things as a weekend. i like that i learn. i like that each time a new experience comes to be, i find out more about myself.
* God has blessed me with some terrific people in my life. i need to love them the only way i know how and let God do the rest.