serendipity

holding my breath

2007-05-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

i love "the office". i am addicted to dwight schrute's love of beets and black bears ("bears, beets, battlestar galactica"). i can't get enough of kelly's annoying chatter ("fashion show, fashion show, fashion show at lunch") and kevin's hysterical laugh ("i don't have a lot of art in my house"). michael's stupidity is at times annoying, but mostly chuckle worthy (a.k.a the bird funeral in the parking lot). but mostly, well, really, totally, i tune in every thursday because i think jim halpert and pam beasley are adorable. i have been crossing my fingers this whole season that SOMETHING would happen in the finale. i was holding my breath- knowing that a lot can happen in 28 seconds (please refer to the last show of season two). so last night i waited and watched. i laughed and rolled my eyes. i gasped and pounded a pillow and wailed in the phone to my sister. and just when i thought all was lost... there he was asking about dinner plans. i don't know what so intrigues me about this show about nothing. but whatever the draw, i can rest easy today and the rest of summer. karen's gone, roy's gone. pam and jim are back. :)

pleased as punch

2007-05-07T04:24:00.000-07:00

no alternate. no nationals. no honorable-mention. but i am pleased beyond words with the way the girls performed, answered questions, responded to stress and disappointment.God blessed them with the best job they had done since the beginning, and after severe script changes and intense research, they really did the best they could. judges sheets will arrive later this week. but they are winners in my book. i didn't have strings i could pull ( as some stories were floating around the competition). i don't know someone who knows someone ( as many of them do). i don't wave at the president of the organization from the balcony ( as some did waiting for the awards to begin). we know nobody important, we just worked hard in our own standing. it may not get you to national history day, but it doesn't matter. they are winners to those who matter! congrats to the titanic twins !! :)

Drum Roll, Please...

2007-05-04T04:31:00.000-07:00

well, the weekend has arrived. this evening around 9:00 p.m., jeremy, andrea, annee and i will leave for columbus, for on the morrow, the girls will perform "The Titanic: The Triumph of Enduring Legacy, the Tragedy of a World's Dream" state competition-
9:40 a.m.- room 407B- Columbus University. pray that all goes well. pray that their anotated bibliography is correct. pray that i don't freak out unnecessarily ( not that i have ever been prone to such immature behavior :) :O) i will now go spray adhesive a list of passengers onto science project boards and then buy some black folders to hold the all important process papers. keep that drum roll going...i will soon return with news :)

Stuck In Some Blasted Tape

2007-05-02T13:16:00.000-07:00

who's bright idea was it to charter this bitty, struggling, everyone already overworked school? i am thankful for our government. i am thankful for our president. i am thankful for our country... i am not thankful (though i know in my deepest heart that i should be) for the miles upon miles of sticky, red tape that these agencies make us crawl through. no wonder it's red- that's all the blood that has been shed throughout the years trying to understand legal jargon that means nothing in the end. and who would have thought that anyone would have time to read through our tiny-towned Christian school's daily log sheets anyway? i mean who knows how many exact minutes we spend on "student and other stakeholder focus" each day? and why isn't teaching considered a student focus? and why is there a 30 page "pamphlet" to explain how i need to explain how i work each day? i have a sneaky suspicion that after the 5 hours it is going to take me to fill out these logs sheets, they will find their final resting place in a folder labeled "some school, somewhere" under a two foot stack of papers on some bureaucrat's desk, where he will decidedly ignore the stack of stuff wherein lies our years inventory of teaching and decide he would rather have a coffee instead. he'll shuffle around a few more piles, our critically important log sheets will be covered by more expendable folders and documents, he will leave feeling satisfied that he has done his work for the day and no one will ever know how many moments i used on this day, may 2, to "use data to improve performance results", "plan strategically and improve continuously", or " evaluate and intervene". no one will ever know, except my students; and they don't want a log sheet.

six princesses, persuasion, and a rousing game of moods

2007-04-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

sometimes it is nice when someone says "you have been working very hard- how about a play date?" that was the invitation i offered to my speech class today. after a week of incesent note taking, writing and identifying propositions, working on deduction, recognizing propoganda, handing in rough outlines, taking two quizzes and being assigned in-class work, i could tell they needed a break.

so since it was richelle's birthday, we had a party day complete with disney princess napkins, plates and blowers ( it was the theme she wanted ). then we played moods and laughed about saying "To be or not to be" in an embarrased way or "Girls dig me" in a girlish way.i'm sure it helped them with characterization and portraying proper emotion, but we didn't talk about how it was educating them, we just had fun.

so for a moment, we got to play.... now i will prepare to teach a 10th grade girl how to speak with an irish accent, make copies of health test chapter 10, grab a piccalo and flute to show in music class, and try to get some worksheets graded. funny, though, i feel quite refreshed. no wonder children like recess ! :)

a titanic undertaking

2007-04-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

i have the capabilities of becoming intense. i will admit it. there are times when it is helpful and times when it definately has cost me something. three months ago when our history teacher asked me to help a duo of sophomore girls with a dramatic presentation to enter at history day, i was a little underwhelmed. it was a history day project- a little research, a little writing, a litte memorizing. but as the days progressed, i became wrapped up in the story of the these two girls who were on the titanic. i wrote a script. i stayed after school for hours working on timing and emotion and blocking and then we went to local competition. any speech person will understand my jerk reaction was to grab the judges comment sheet before reading anything else and hide myself in a corner, frantically reading what they liked, what they didn't. superior rating. going to state. BIG problems with the script and paper. so i sat down with the girls. said that it was their choice- go to state with the requirement that we rework everything they had already done, go to state keeping everything just as it was knowing we wouldn't be competitive, or just not go at all.

they chose option number one.

so i came back to school the next monday and researched and re-wrote the script and gave them copies. i said " we have five weeks till state- there is a lot to do but it is managable" so one week went by, then two, then three.

now we are at week four.

i have two sophomore girls with a brand new script that haven't even begun fixing their process paper or their bibliography. these girls have fair animals to keep, two sports practices, jobs after school, youth group responsibilites, oh, and school work to do. so i sit them down and say , " you have to do this right or we're not doing it. this new script requires a lot more from you than the first one."
and then i look at their faces and realize what i must look like to them. an woman obsessed with a project that i am only supposed to coaching- not dictating. i take a breath, say a prayer and apologize for raining my intensity on their heads instead of encouragement.

so today we begin to memorize, block, practice our new titanic script to present at state next saturday morning. it is a titanic undertaking.

happy days

2007-04-24T04:15:00.000-07:00

not that the two of you won't know who you are, but i just want to say what a blessing it has been to be in contact with my two really great friends this past week. it is one of those things that just makes me happy- a special God-blessing sent my way. have a great week- i love you both!

Saul and Samuel

2007-04-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

Here's one beautiful thing i learned this weekend about God and His perfect plan for our lives....

"Saul learned that obedience is better than sacrifice. Samuel learned that sometimes obedience IS the sacrifice."

i have often looked at this verse as an either/or situation- how precious that God may look at obedience to His sometimes very difficult direction as the sacrifice He wanted all along. just like Elijah by the brooke- he didn't move until he was told. he saw the water dry up, he felt the isolation, he had to wonder where God would put him next or even if he would live through the drought; but he stayed - obedience and sacrifice.

RETURNED- DAMAGED BUT INTACT

2006-06-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

weeeellll, it has been an interesting last month and a half in my life. to put it in short terms. we were kicked out of our house, we had to find a new one, we had no where to go, we had no money, we found a new house, the owner of our old house wanted us to pay thousands of dollars for i'm still not sure what, i almost had a mental break-down, that guy decided to just leave us alone, school let out, we moved. so looking back i can honestly say that it was one of the toughest times i have ever faced, but probably, i am stronger for it. just a little weary and a lot bruised. i am living in a nice house the Lord provided. i am getting lots of needed exercise walking the dog. i am 15 steps away from my job. i have a wonderful family who is wonderfully supportive. i have amazing friends ( and aquaintances- thanks to this blog) who just are there for me, even when i shut myself off from creation. and i have a loving God who saw it all before the world began and knew what i was supposed to learn. so really that is about it as far as me goes. but i am back. and i will be posting and i will be calling and i want to visit. so look for me. i have returned.

someone's got to post

2006-05-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

well your blog has been ignored long enough, so i decided to post on it. this time not in a fit of rage, but concern. are you well, good friend?

it's a party

2006-04-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

doing something for you, bringing something to you-
that's not what you're after.
being religious, acting pious-
that's not what you're asking for.
You've opened my ears
so i can listen.

so i answered, "I'm coming
I read in your letter what you wrote about me,
And I'm coming to the party
you're throwing for me."
that's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being

Psalm 40:6-8

it's my party. God's throwing it for me. i can't stop thinking about it. God is throwing me a party. a lost daughter come home- that was the day my party began and it will continue for eternity. it's a party and you all get one too!!!

super funday

2006-04-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

this is what i love about God and His creation and His presence in us. He helps us find joy in the simplest and coolest and best if we take time to do it. last night jeremy and i went for a drive to Mound Hill- the cemetary that overlooks our little city. we looked at all the old tombstones and walked to the edge of the hill and peered down at our little town by the river. i found my stone cottage with its green roof and worn-down stoop. i had such a good time, just looking down on what God has made. maybe that's how God feels sometimes- just so happy with the beauty of His handiwork. i thought of the psalms we read in class recently, "your beauty and splendor have everyone talking, i compose songs on your wonders. your marvelous doings are headline news; i could write a book full of the details of your greatness." the hill was rejoicing in its Maker and so was i !!!

casual thursday

2006-04-06T04:29:00.000-07:00

today i am wearing a pair of old, worn-in khakis and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. very casual. very comfortable. here are some other casual,comfortable things that i thought of this morning when i skipped over the dress pants and fashion jewelry and blazer:
* my favorite sheets washed 100 times so they feel like butter
* finger painting in the park
* watching a movie in my p.j.'s
* eating spaghetti
* a leisurely shopping trip
* talking to my dad
* taking a nap on a rainy day
* making cookies
* laughing at my husband's silly jokes
* putting away groceries
* getting up early to cuddle on the couch with a blanket and fall back asleep watching the news
nothing complex. and sometimes it is a relief just to be simple and easy. happy casual thursday to all!

and she clapped her hands

2006-04-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

i clapped my hands today in class and did a little unbaptist-like dance and had my students pretty much convinced that i was charasmatic..... oh,my precious, precious Savior whose Spirit can reign in the hearts of 17 year old boys. this was the minute motivator my dear sweet nathan student gave today in class-

psalm 113

if you haven't read it- do. it is praise topped with praise. but i was doing my usual nodding and half listening ( i get bad about that sometimes when my mind is full of things i have to do), and then i hear this....
"He gives the childless couples a family,
gives them joy as the parents of children.
Hallelujah!"

i believe with my entire being Christ speaks to me through His Word. and it is no small coincidence - no small miracle that these are the verses that God allowed one struggling young sweet boy to read in class today. God promised to bind the broken- perhaps the binding has begun.

far greater "joy"

2006-04-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

today i received pictures of my friend's baby. her name is joy and she is marvelously beautiful. i have been very stand-offish with God over this whole childlessness situation,but i think today i may just open my lips and say it. it isn't because i'm feeling bold but because i am feeling broken. and when approaching God's throne, one thing is just as important as the other. i read this today,

"Get up, God! Are you going to sleep all day?
Wake up! Don't you care what happens to us?
Why do you bury your face in the pillow?
Why pretend things are just fine with us?
And here we are- flat on our faces in the dirt,
held down with a boot on our necks.
Get up and come to our rescue.
If you love us so much, HELP US!"
psalm 44:23-26

and that is where i am. i have been waiting for boldness, praying for boldness, hungering for boldness, yearning for boldness and nothing makes me bold. but each day breaks my heart more and when i saw that baby face this afternoon, that "joy" baby, i knew that i could no longer wait to be bold. i don't know what i'll say. it won't be "you promised, remember? do it." but maybe i'll just say the psalm over and over "if you love me so much, help me!" oh, how much i long to long for His will. oh, how much i want to obey. but oh, how much my heart wants a far greater "joy" of my own.

sorry

2006-03-31T13:20:00.000-08:00

somehow i clicked the wrong blog name before i got on my soapbox. :-)
sorry serendipity
i'm blinded by a mother's rage....

don't fence me in

2006-03-31T12:45:00.000-08:00

place a cheetah in a 10x12 cage and tell it to be a cheetah. it can't. it can't continue to exhibit cheetah characteristics in a cage. eventually, a caged cheetah will die. and so it is with highly intelligent children. stupefy them by placing them in a classroom with less intelligent children and intolerent teachers in order to "socialize" them, and they too will die. perhaps not physically, but intellectually and emotionally they will whither. they will attempt to be like everyone else in order to be "accepted" (by the way, acceptence is the whole point of "socialization".) but a gifted child will realize quite quickly that she cannot communicate well with her peers because of her advanced vocabulary. therefore, she will not be accepted by those of her age group in an traditional educational scenario. most teachers are not qualified to handle an exceptional child. these teachers will not know what to do with a 5 year old with spatial and critical thinking skills. and therefore, will not be very accepting of the child. teaching an exceptional child is just as difficult as teaching a with learning deficiencies though very few educators recognize this truth. so we have another educational quandary. heritage will only expect emmy into their pre-school program. (they play, count to ten and say the abc's for an entire year.) emmy might commit suicide. i highly doubt it would improve her social skills. we were worried about her blowing away the other children in k-5, but pre-k. ??? all the experts say to avoid socialization. kids are smart and will figure out the p's and q's of society quickly. but what to do with her next year?
we are certainly not going to fence her in by holding her back and crushing her desire to learn. God made her this way, we don't have the right to change that, and either does anyone else.

don't panic- just obey the instructions

2006-03-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

yesterday i panicked. i panicked because i could feel old yearnings that i thought had been cast aside creeping into my heart. and so i did something i should do more often. i went straight to Corinithians and read this:

"But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you do not give in to it."

there was my way out. just running to God instead of trying to talk myself into a different direction. and so i just pushed in my chair and on the way over to the gym, i said to the Lord, "show me the way out." and He did. and that panicky feeling was replaced with a sprout of hope and a lot of love. and His whisper stirred my heart and said, "when i say none, i mean none. i AM faithful" yes! yes! yes!

brackets and basketball

2006-03-16T12:16:00.000-08:00

i don't know why i do it, but every year i fill out a college basketball bracket and hope that i can forsee which team will win. i could care less about sports, especially basketball, but these pumped-up, testosterone-filled boys running down the halls passing out grainy copies of a computer print-out gets me excited. suddenly what i couldn't have cared less about five minutes previously, i am deeply intrigued with. what i knew nothing about just moments before, i become an expert on. i can't help but think anyone in this position would be the same. it is one thing they love. they soak in. they know all about. they talk about and research and debate. and there they are with just one single sheet of paper that will act as your pass into their world for just a little bit of time. it doesn't matter to them that i score in the bottom of the pile every year, or that i pick teams based on how much i like their names ( which is why gonzaga has made it to the final two in every bracket i have ever written) it just matters that i am happy about filling out the spidery maze and writing in a team to "go all the way." so that is why today i have kept an automatically refreshed scoreboard on the computer and why i act just as enthralled with jump-balls and overtimes and upsets as they do. because it is part of the human side of me that reaches out to the human side of them, and , in turn, they reach right back to me. and sometimes that is the most important part of being their teacher.

musings

2006-03-16T04:18:00.000-08:00

as of today, it has been a week since i visited the old college haunts and played amoungst some old college friends. i have let the whole thing settle upon me before i could really find the true things to say. visits like this one touch me. i can go to a neighbors house or to a church function or to some outing and it never really crosses my mind again, but it is my nature to let precious things take hold of me and cocoon me. they bother me- not in a bad way, but in the way that i can't forget. i get bound- and for quite a while. so this is what i learned about myself on this trip:
* i get afraid that people won't like me, so i withdraw into myself, peering out from behind my heart hoping that others will see how deep i feel.
* i can't go back in one sense of the word; but God made me so that i can in some ways- and i find satisfaction in remembering the blessings of the past. it is much like the rock altar's in the wilderness- i can "see" in my mind the things that God has used to shape me. and i love to go back to them and remember the good and the bad of those lessons.
* i can be quite reserved when i feel insignificant and quite boisterous when i feel accepted.
* i wish people wouldn't tiptoe around me- i can take it.
* i love having fun. i love being silly. i can't help it that at 31, i still love to act like a fruit-loop.
* i am who i am, and it is time to stop using my "acting skills" to chameleon myself into a persona for the circumstance. being real is the only way God can refine me into a shining vessel for His reflection.
* i love very, very, very deeply and it intrigues me that that means very little to some.
* i forgive easily, but i don't forget. i'm forgiven easily by those who love me, but i still don't forget. i need to.
* i need to pray more personally and less formally and just say what i need to say. God knows it anyway- He will sort out my heart if i let Him.
* i revel in listening to people and think about what they have said long after the conversation is over.
* it would do me good to speak out more when something bothers me- i shouldn't carry it around like a coat
* i can only do so much and i shouldn't beat myself up over not being able to do more. i have to realize that God uses other's talents to fill in the holes that i have not the talent to fill. i didn't get every gift- i need to get over it and thank God for the ones He's given me.
* i love art and i'm thankful elea told me to buy the bowl. now she needs the chair.
* i learn a lot from such simple things as a weekend. i like that i learn. i like that each time a new experience comes to be, i find out more about myself.
* God has blessed me with some terrific people in my life. i need to love them the only way i know how and let God do the rest.

the tale of one wiggle worm and a piece of gum

2006-02-23T04:24:00.000-08:00

i have music with kindergarteners on tuesdays ( aslan's child you will appreciate this as your genius is about to enter the halls of learning). this tuesday i taught them "wiggle worm". it is timeless. every class loves and sings it till their 30. so we were talking about spring and what animals and insects come out in the spring. this brought us to worms. i was explaining that there were little worms that you couldn't see that could change to the color of your skin and clothes and they made you wiggle around when you weren't supposed to. austin, a teeny ,adorable , black, just turned 5 , little lispy child says "Mrs. Teacher- please don't say that again- it makes my skin feel weird and itchy." this is the same boy who thought floss was in your eyeball and prayed for his father who didn't want to see him anymore ( not true- his dad is doctor and loves him very much) i thought i was going to laugh my self into crying spell. then harrison, the big-eyed, chubby cheeked son of an actor, magician, doctor, etc., game up to me and got right in my face and said with all seriousness "my dad is in mexico this week.... hey, you have gum in your mouth. it is orange. my mom has that gum." then in an excited whisper "she got hers at the airport, did you?" i love these kids. they keep me young.

purity of the silver

2006-02-21T04:21:00.000-08:00

i stayed up last night and finished watching the ice-dancing competition in this winter olympics. i love the winter olympics- sledding and skiing and skating and hockey and curling- i love it. so back to the long program of the ice dancing. at the start of the show, the americans were in second. a chance at winning gold for america after a 3 decade absence of any american medal in this competition. the pair skated beautifully and they won the silver. now compared to first place, second is often sad. i have watched these two weeks as athlete after athlete "show themselves royally" (as my mother used to say to me ) because they didn't get what they wanted or thought they deserved. i watched our woman's snowboarder show-off her way out of a gold medal. observed two speedskaters hate each other on and off the ice- both of them on the american team. i listened as our number one guy singles skater whined about the absence of a hotel, room service and a limo. i watched our number one skier take fifth, sixth, and lower and brag about how cool it was to ski while you were drunk. those kind of representatives of american sports make me almost want to quit watching. but then there are athletes such as our american ice-dancers. they make me forget for a moment what diva-like attitudes have been presented in other arenas and focus on their tears of joy and pride for their country. it may not have been gold, but i saw more work, diligence, humility, gratefulness, honesty, pride, and honor in those beribboned silver rings than i have seen in many of our athletes combined. and therein lies the purity of the silver. congratulations team u.s.a!

a night at the spa

2006-02-17T12:17:00.000-08:00

because i am a sucker and because i feel badly saying no to anyone when they ask me to do something, i promised a co-worker that i would have a beauty control party to help her out. so last night was the night of rest and relaxation. we manicured our hands and rubbed one foot with peppermint lotion and the other with margarita lotion and then we put on steaming hot footies and wrapped warm terry cloth stress relievers around our necks. we closed our eyes after putting on chilled eye pads, pushed up our sleeves for a one arm message, and felt the citrus smell of a herbal moisturizing mist being sprayed in our faces. and all this time i am supposed to be calm and relaxed and thinking of a far off place where serenity flows. this is also the time i realize why i am not cut out for these things. while everyone else is doing their proper breathing (in with the nose- out with the mouth) i'm thinking of how funny i must look with the dumb eye patches on and then start giggling wondering if anyone else is really that peaceful. when i peeked- they were. every one of them were being good, so i crawled back into my neck wrap and replaced the cooling eye bandages. the last time i went to one of these my mother dropped one of her heated footies into her foot bath right in the middle the zen moment. we started snickering- then giggling- then laughing- then out right roaring. the nice beauty control lady finally just turned on the lights and tried to sell a few things. we had ruined the moment. i remembered this last night and tried to be good. but i also remembered again why i hate these grown up ladies parties. i'm too silly. too immature. i'm supposed to be one of the grown-up's , but that little kid in me rears its head at the most innopportune times. spa-schmaw. at least my wrinkles are from happiness.

what i know

2006-02-06T11:40:00.000-08:00

there are few things that i can say are for sure. but this i do know and i do believe and will forever. God works best when we step aside and let Him show his power and love and faithfulness. today, i, along with many other people, am stepping aside and calling on the awesomeness of God to show itself- believing and claiming the promise. for my friends- for those i don't know- i stand firm in the knowledge of what is promised will be fulfilled.

INVESTMENT

2006-01-11T04:27:00.000-08:00

i love people. i really do love people. but i am finding myself more and more one to be very picky about who i reveal myself to. i like having lots of "friends" but i am discovering an even greater sweetness to having real fellowship. i can count on one hand the people who really know me- the things i think, the things i feel, the inside that is me. i've been told it isn't good to hide yourself, but the more i watch others play and prance through frienships and relationships, the more i am glad that i have been selective about who gives me council, who listens to my heart, who sees me at my worst and still honestly loves me. there are few but for them i am more thankful than i could ever possibly put into words.

worried

2006-01-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

worried about you, dear one. i've tried to call. would like to lend a listening hear.

"the reason we can trust in God is that he understands what it is like to walk in darkness.

WHISPERS

2005-12-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

i know it's Christmas and lights and presents and hot cocoa are foremost in most minds, but i hear whispers of what these days are supposed to be. a baby was born to die. a mother was aware that she held God. a father knew he was not the father. an innkeeper gave a barn. shepherds overcame their fears. angels were visible among the stars. and most just kept sleeping in their beds waiting for the census to be over. most were unaware. most had no idea that in a moment history had changed entirely, life had changed entirely, love had changed entirely. and it is the same today- even after all this time- most are unaware. it is no longer taxes, but santa. no longer long trips to bethlehem, but long trips to grandmas. no longer waiting to be counted, but waiting in long lines. and all this happens while God whispers happy birthday to His Son loud enough for the world to hear. will they ever listen?

A SLOW RETURN

2005-12-19T09:50:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry to all the people who look to this blog for something to read. i know i have been delinquent in writing, but i just have been running, running, running. i promise that i will be back with my deep ( or not so deep) thoughts soon, but for right now- i'm lucky to keep my sanity.

missing....

2005-12-16T14:19:00.000-08:00

ok, little miss serendipity might be absent, but i am not! if she will not write, then we will write for her (by we i mean me and my desktop post-it notes). i can not speak for you my dear, but i can speak to you:

"faith, mighty faith, the promise sees, and looks to GOD alone; laughs at impossibilities, and cries it shall be done."

charles wesley

(well, acutally we'll let charles wesley do the speaking for us)

WRITING BLOCK

2005-11-22T13:26:00.000-08:00

i am supposed to give an interp speech tomorrow night at the special thanksgiving service. i can't find a monologue that is appopriate and my brain is totally stumped. as pooh would say "oh, bother"

LITTLE FAITH- BIG GOD

2005-11-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

jeremy and i joined the church officially sunday night. it has been awhile since i have been a member of a church. i am excited about the opportunities afforded when we allow God to work. here is a funny- the church is conservative and doesn't really do drama or such but i have really been praying for the opportunity to start some kind of team to minister once a month during a service. so i have been having this conversation with God that it would be wonderful to be involved with speech in some format- and within twenty four hours i was given a part in the christmas contata and put in charge of all the speaking parts there and then put in charge of the drama part of the children's musical. oh me of little faith. it won't win me an oscar but my prayer was answered. He is using me in the capacity where He has placed me.

NICOLAITAN ANSWERS

2005-11-18T10:55:00.000-08:00

"who are the nicolaitans? what did they do that God hated them?
is Revelation chapter 6 before the tribulation? what did the thunderers say that God would not let him reveal? is there some way that a human being can keep God from returning, in reference to Revelation 3:3?"

sound like a theology class? but it isn't. it is my answer to prayer. these are questions from this precious senior boy who i have been passionately praying for the past two years that he might come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

as a teacher you are not supposed to have favorites but i do and he is mine. he is intelligent beyond belief. he is a wonderful speaker; a great debater; a connoisseur of music; and funny and sweet and handsome. but these many years he has been missing the point of all his skill and talent.

oh, my lovely, lovely Lord and His perfect beautiful timing. this young man is on the precipice of faith in God. he is searching and reading and asking and willing to listen. he is smart and curious and just eating up the Scripture. i am fervently praying for this child's salvation. it is moments like these that pouring myself into my "children" is worth every frustration and heartache. i will keep answering his questions and praying. he keeps quoting "the time is at hand". oh, how i pray for him that it is.

POURING

2005-11-17T04:28:00.000-08:00

i am not a pessamist. i am not usually grumpy in the morning. i do not like to make people mad or sad or hurt or frustrated or disgruntled. i am flexible. but.......................... the old saying of "when it rains it pours" is true. i'm feeling bruised by the drops, soaked from the downpour, cold from the constant barage, and tired of not being able to stop it. today is one of those days where i will be driven to find shelter outside of myself because my covering is full of holes. "under his wings i will safely abide forever"- i'm claiming it, i'm asking for complete trust, and i'm just trying to be still and catch my breath.

FINALLY HOME

2005-11-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

my grandmother went to meet Jesus on tuesday. in the past seven years i watched her turn from a vivacious, funny, positive woman to a broken, sad, discouraged shell of what she once was. she wasn't the grandma who used to sing "ci-ci my playmate" with me ; the one who wore striped socks with plaid shorts and a polka-dot shirt on vacation thinking she looked super fine; the one who played the piano for a church service of 3,000+; the one who cooked the best spaghetti; the one who found something wonderful in little things; the one who taught me to love Jesus best; the one who introduced the reuben sandwich; the one who found music her main way to praise God and sang all the time. she had just become a sad, faithful mother who waited every day for her family to be restored. every family has it's stories. some families have their prodigals. my youngest uncle is ours. and since the day he walked out of our lives those many years ago, my grandmother has been waiting to see her baby boy love her again. it sapped the life out of her- it would anyone. so today she is with her Savior. there is no more pain- not physical, not emotional. she is completely whole and seeing my grandpa and her grandchildren she could not enjoy on earth but now can revel in forever. i loved her more than i can ever express but i am glad her pain is gone and she is finally home.

TAG BACKS

2005-11-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

#1. entry number twenty three only has three sentences- perhaps that says something about me

#2. entry number twenty- two is a song

#3. entry number twenty- one's fifth sentence:
" But it is always pure and refreshing and more wonderful than i ever imagined."

#4. i only have one person to send this to: christina grace you have been tagged ( if my sister would open a blog than i could tag her as well- hint, hint)

BASKET HUGGERS

2005-11-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

this little bit of story is for erinlea but everyone else is welcome to read and ponder. here is my view of peter's water walk.

you have 12 men who have just seen Jesus take two hard biscuits and little salty fish and feed 5,000 men plus women plus children. there are 12 baskets of food left (no coincidence, i might add) and each disciple gets his basket of left-overs and climbs aboard the boat. each man had to be on a spiritual high. each man had to be relishing the fact that not only did God provide but He gave them more than enough. enough so that each man could look down into his basket and remember exactly what God had done just minutes ago. enough so that not only were their stomachs full but their hands were full as well. enough so that it wasn't just a wonderful memory, it was a tangible, smellible, seeable, edible miracle. so this storm comes and the boat gets a little rocky and the waves sweep over the deck and their baskets of loaves and fishes get a little soggy. suddenly what was one moment ago something to remind them of God's power became a life preserver. in the blink of an eye, what they were given as a symbol of God's provision, God's love, God's goodness became just another old dirty basket full of stinky fish and hard bread. and peter looked at these guys and he looked down into his basket and thought " i don't want to be like them. don't they remember? i want to be like Jesus." and here comes the Savior walking the waves and peter says "yes! that's what i'm talking about." most say peter was being a show-off. i just think he remembered what he had recently witnessed on the hillside. i think he was soaking in the power of God. most people say that peter had no faith- falling in the water like that. but at least he got out of the boat. he put his basket down and walked to Jesus.

you got out of the boat. you had your basket. you saw His power. you got out of the boat. don't get back in. all that is on that ship are people who have forgotten the promise and are fearfully clinging to their "baskets". you might fall in the tumultuous sea, but God is there to lift you back out. i am praying for you.

BIRTHDAY TREASURES

2005-11-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

for the lovely old age of 31 , i received a treasure chest of treats from my students:
* a home-made card from a 3rd grader that had a picture of 3CPO and my name spelled "Mrs. Pecans"
* a serenade from the k-3
* a piece of gum from a shy 8th grade boy who dropped it on my desk with a speedy "hpybthdy,mspkns."
* a bag of halloween candy that had been wrestled in the bottom of an unorganized bookbag surrounded by missing homework and sweaty gym clothes
* a vase of yellow daisies
* a bag of "fuzzy" gummyworms
* 13 homemade signs from children ages 12-18 that read such things as:
- "birthday happy! ( i just wanted to be different)"
-"happy birthdee mrs. perky"
- "happy 21st birthday"
-"happy birthday. i love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!"
* a teddy bear with a candle
* a c.d. one of the boys just cut himself (of him singing- very cool)
* a package of duck sauce
* an apple
birthdays @ school are such fun!!

ENOUGH

2005-11-02T16:40:00.000-08:00

i know that He cares for me; i know He sings about me; i know that He weeps over me; i know that He laughs with me: i know that i am His PASSION. daughter of the King i am. that is enough for today.

Isaiah 51:16- "I set all the stars in space and established the earth. I am the one who says, "You are mine!""

OLD

2005-11-02T07:40:00.000-08:00

today i have added another year to the age category on my license and any other paper work i fill out. think anyone would believe me if i write down 22? 31 is a yucky number :(

MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW

2005-11-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

For my dearest friends who have shown me Jesus in their faithfulness and love. Thank you:

Somethin' brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel it's ok to cry with you
Somethin' about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...

Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies...
Cause you've spoken truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know

You had faith when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll do
The kind of prayin' for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it oughta be

You have carried me
You have taken upon a burden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundred fold

Watermark

HE KNOWS

2005-11-01T04:36:00.000-08:00

it never ceases to amaze me that God delivers what we need just at the exact moment we need it- even when we don't know how to ask- even when we are so weary that we don't ask. the wonder for me today is that those moments of spiritual dehydration are the very moments when my Father steps in and brings me His refreshing rain. sometimes it is just a drizzle. sometimes it is a downpour. but always it is sweeter and purer and more wonderful than i ever imagined. enough to satisfy for the moment but never enough to satiate the desire for more. i'm living like the children of Israel wandering in the blasting desert heat. every morning there is enough mana for the day. every morning new promises or old promises made new await my obedience to gather them and use them. "His mercies are new every morning"- this morning i gather and feast.

SMASHING PUMPKINS DAY!

2005-10-31T12:27:00.000-08:00

what a country when we take a whole day to celebrate chocolates and caramels and bubble gum and lollipops. forget the ghoulies and the ghosties- bring on the miniature candy bars and pre-packaged licorice. throw caution to the wind and grab a pillow case and knock at strangers doors to see what treasures the bowls in their hands contain. more lovely than gold is a bag full of sweet tarts and snickers and jaw breakers and gummy bears. many a young lion or puppy or skunk or princess or pirate has endured hours of uncomfortable costume to bring home their annual loot only to have their parents eat the best treat in the bunch. leave behind ye jack-o-lanterns and witches on brooms. come see what halloween has become- a festival of sweets and silly disguises. happy smashing pumpkin day to all!

FIRE DRILL

2005-10-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

late saturday night or early sunday morning, as it were, i woke the house with a chaotic, rousing, blasting production of "heat in the night". we had jeremy's eight- year old niece for the weekend, and being the kind aunt i am, when i awoke @ 4:00 a.m. freezing cold, i supposed jessica was one little-girl flavored popsicle. so i quietly tip-toed to the thermostat and turned on the heat for the first time this year. aaahhhh! those who were present during the nell sunday fire drill escapade caused by my cleaning fluid in the ancient heater will recall the chaos that ensued. this incident was somewhat the same only not quite as spectacular as there were only 3 of us and not hundreds of girls wearing white glove get-up with rags in their hands and hair. there was no fire but so much burning dust that both flashing white orbs went screaming and whistling waking up my husband and my niece, neither who thought it was cold at all. the havoc that ensued only lasted 15 minutes or so, but i did end up rubbing my niece's back and whispering about howie the one eyed dog until her little eyes slipped closed after such a frightening wake-up call. i also learned not to turn the heat on in the middle of the night. what fun i cause without even trying :)

RAIN

2005-10-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

i woke up last night and heard rain hitting the metal vents on the house. not a down-pour but drops like small stones being sifted through fingers. i love rain. it makes me feel breathless and joyful and pensive and expectant all at the same time. beautiful creation. glorious Creator.

DWARF DAY

2005-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

some days there is nothing to be philosophical about ( my apologies to those of you who believe great theories lie behind every word and deed). today i am dressed up as bashful dwarf from the great disney classic snow white. you may ask why i would be wearing a dwarf costume to school? because today is a themed spirit day- famous duos , trios, and quartets. there are six other dwarfs running around school in their labeled t-shirts and stocking caps. if i ever wondered what separated me from professorship, this is it. :) :) :) :) perhaps this should be the philosophy i ponder today- how is it that people believe you can truly touch the soul of a child without encompassing yourself with their lives? of course, you can be the one who made them understand pi or assisted in phrases & clauses or delivered the date of the spanish armada. but in the end, it isn't a formula or part of speech or history date that will matter. it takes more than knowledge. some kind of crazy, hard to keep hold of balance. that is why i am wearing a green and yellow knitted hat on my head, why my shirt reads "bashful", and why i have round circles of scarlet on my cheeks. as i teach about the piano keyboard and types of supports for speech and have try-outs for the K-6 christms program today, hopefully they will see it isn't just for the thrill of handing out a bundle of information. it is for them. well..." hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work i go"

HOUSING WORRIES

2005-10-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

truly a play on words, for i have been fretting over a new place to live and worry has been residing in my heart. but after friday i vowed this to the Lord, " you gave erin a house to meet her need. you gave vicki and dave a house to ensure Your will. in seeing the beginning and end and knowing all that falls between, if You deem it best we stay in this house than am i not only accepting but i am joyful. You quieted seas and walked on water. You are the provider and lover of my soul. if being in a new home will wall me from You, let me stay where You have put me. i'm done trying to manipulate the situation and crying for my way and prying your fingers open with my tool of selfishness." this morning we got a call that the house we wanted to rent for a year and then possibly buy has been offered to us. here is what happens when i stop trying to move my life around like a gamepiece on a monopoly board. praise be to Jesus who meets me where i am and loves me despite my lack of belief.

MIDNIGHT SHOWING

2005-10-14T04:26:00.000-07:00

today i will be travelling. i am going to see my sister. we are going to the 10:15 p.m. showing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at the IMAX theatre. i find myself intrigued with johnny depp as an actor- he's a person who seems to have many layers and takes unconventional parts and i find it mesmerizing to watch him. i am not obsessed with him nor do i find him attractive, but there is something about the quirkiness and depth of the characters he chooses to portray that find i captivating. having discussed this with others, i have come to the conclusion that one either cannot stand him or they really like him. there are very, very few who fall on neutral ground. as i am one who tends to spend a good portion of my movie watching time trying to unwrap the actor's choices , i will stay up past midnight with my sister to watch five children win golden tickets and meet the ever odd but enchanting willy wonka.

WRINKLES OF TIME

2005-10-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

i spend a good bit of money every month on oil of olay, anti-aging, fragrance free face serum. every morning and evening i religiously smooth the costly cream into my skin hoping to stare into the face of a 20 year old when i pass a mirror. so far i see nothing different about me, except that my hand-bag is much lighter from the perpetual contribution i make to paying for the bmw and rolex of oil of olay's head executives. so why do i do it? i ask myself this question daily as i smear on hand lotion or add another layer of sugar and spice lipgloss or blot out the oil on my nose with a fuzzy puff and fine pressed powder. i see my mother's face and i can recall the exact moment i saw some of her wrinkles appear. there is one by her left eye that was caused by laughing at my sister and i as we romped and played when we both came home one weekend one November. there is one by her mouth that formed as she worried about my grandmother who had fallen and broken her hip. one on her forhead that shaped itself during hours pouring over wedding books and martha stewart magazines to help me create the classy wedding i wanted on a meager budget. several creases have appeared over students whom she watched turn from loving God to infatuation with the world. i would be sad if she tried to erase the story her face tells. every moment is mapped out in its hills and valleys. that is the way it is supposed to be. we are picture pages of how God has rewarded us, refined us, led us, rebuked us, loved us. i can't say i'll never pull out the oil of olay again- but i can say that i am meditating on the lovliness of experience and the beautymarks that are testaments to what God has done to change me inside and out.

EXCITING LIFE

2005-10-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

my life is soooo exciting. after working all day at school yesterday, i put my grades on the computer for report cards coming out monday; added assignments to my classes on the school's website; shut every locker door in the hallway; picked up the hundreds of crinkles off the floor (crinkles being my own personal word used to describe that disgusting fringe on paper when it is torn from a binder or notebook- one of my teaching pet-peeves. i am so grateful to the person who invented the perforated notebook.); straightened chairs and tables; put library books back on shelves; answered questions about student council fund-raising projects; chased three kids down to give me their tee-shirt money so i could finally order them for the other 128 people who actually paid on time; put the new date and homework assignments on the board; checked on the yearbook which should be shipping sometime soon; cleaned off my desk for the 20th time; checked ghost's word blog to see if she had written any new treasures; checked my e-mail; asked for permission to sell pizza at lunch in two weeks and to have an octoberfest during the week of soccer regionals; filed worksheets on informational speeches, writing notecards, notes on the piano keyboard, and a bass clef treasure hunt; graded the boys music homework and put them in the gradebook; discussed with a parent why it isn't okay for little johnny to say whatever he wants when he wants ; went home fed myself spaghetti and my dog iams; went back to school ; line-judged for a two and a half hour volleyball match; talked to a parent who dislikes for no reason other than i couldn't give her what she wanted; went back home; unloaded the dishwasher; took the dog pottie; watched survivor; took the dog pottie; put stuff in the washer; played with the dog; made a smoothie; took the dog pottie; thought about what to wear in the morning; called my friend to ask about her sick baby; talked to my husband about computery work things;took the dog pottie; almost fell asleep at ten; made myself stay awake until 11; put the dog out; wiped off the counters; took out my contacts; brushed my teeth; changed clothes; locked the doors; turned out the lights; went to bed. the end.

MOURNING INTO DANCING

2005-10-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

i had dinner last night with a friend. his mother passed away this summer of cancer. for awhile i did not see him or hear from him. he had hidden himself away from humanity. after the funeral, i told him to call me and we'd do lunch or supper or some thing that would give him someone to talk to, some outlet in which to vent or cry or rant. so we met at the farm- the farm being bob evans farm- and to my surprise, he has emerged from his darkness with a beautiful smile and a healing heart. where i supposed there would be tears, there was laughter. where i had assumed there would be bitterness, there was the clear imprint of God's grace. where i thought there would be sorrow, there was dancing. we talked about a multitude of things, from his plans to help future victims of cancer to our favorite color. i taught him how to play rock, paper, scissors (which we did to see who would pick up the check- he cheated ) and he told me about the how the state and county could distribute sales tax to pick up part of the cost of building new city schools. i asked him if he liked trees and he made fun of my circular thinking patterns. and the whole point here is- it was so normal- and i so underestimated God once again. HE is the great physician. and i saw a miracle last night, because He had mended the broken and filled the heart with song.

CALLING FROM MECCA

2005-10-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

last night around 9:30 p.m. i got a call from my dear friend, cheryl and this is what she said: "we just drove through mecca and now we're at the hotel." i couldn't for the life of me figure out where this mecca might be of which she spoke. "bob jones- it's almost surreal." she said in a sleep-deprived, driving all day, mommy of two, wife of one kind of voice. it cracked me up. i met this girl my first week in college. i was sitting lonely on one of the horridly upholstered couches in the dorm lobby and she pranced right up to me and said, " you look like you could use a friend." and she was right- i felt lost and lonely. so she became my friend and has stayed true to that ever since. so that is why she is beautiful enough to call me on a sunday evening to share that she was returning to the place that brought her from indiana and me from ohio and made us friends. she said she was old (never) and that she wouldn't know anyone (possibly- it HAS been almost 10 years); but what made me smile is that she's still thinking of me after all these years. that is a true friend. thanks cheryl. i hope she has fun frolicking through the green grass and around the fountain and in performance hall. mecca- what a riot! :)

CHANGING PERSPECTIVES

2005-09-22T02:35:00.000-07:00

i purchased a book for my sister entitled, "What My Dog Has Taught Me About Life" (she has a little poodle with curly apricot hair by the name of sammy. she also has no idea i purchased this book for her, so if you are reading this jillo, SUPRISE :)) i thought i would skim the book to make sure it wasn't as absolutely as silly as it sounded, and it is funny how one moment can change your perspective. i didn't know it then, but my moment was the day i took home a saggy, wrinkly, milk chocolate lab puppy who has been named after three tremendous authors, Bronte Hawthorn Lewis. i have laughed at my sister over the years as she has turned canine into child, but as i read through some of the entries in the book, i began to see myself instead of my sister. wouldn't you know the author of the book had a lab and wouldn't you know that they went from his arrival to the day of his death. there i was sitting in study hall with jr.'s and sr.'s crying because the man had been out of town when his dog died and so the last entry in the book was a letter to his dog apologizing for not being there and telling him what a good friend he had been. four months ago, i would have laughed myself silly at anyone so attached to "just a dog". now that person is me.

SILLINESS

2005-09-15T15:42:00.000-07:00

i find great joy in simple things. today i did a demonstration speech for my class- how to make grilled cheese with an iron. a funtabulous college dorm lesson i still use occasionally. how crazy sweet to see their eyes light up as if i knew a great secret that philosophers had been pondering for centuries. i had unearthed the simplicity of making a sandwich in tin foil and melting it to deliciousness with the tool my husband regularly uses to iron his dress clothes for work. it made me so happy to see them excited about a silly sandwich that i was on the verge of giddiness. not just because they thought i was wonderful for a moment (though i must admit that with teenagers you never know, so that did make my heart smile); but because they found just as much pleasure in watching me iron my wonderbread and kraft slices to a paper-thin snack as i did in making them. and when i suggested and then demonstrated the grilled pb&j, well, you could have picked them up off the floor. :). just something ordinary really, but it is the everyday ordinary that makes up the memories of tomorrow. off to clean up the spills and stickies off my desk where child fingers have made their mark for the day.

TIME TO DANCE

2005-09-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

every day i realize more that true worship rests upon our daily devotion and passion for Jesus Christ- moments when we meditate on who He is and joyously celebrate all He has done. nothing about us. all for Him

"The most valuable thing the Psalms do for me is to express the same delight in God which made David dance... [Compared] with the merely dutiful "church-going" and laborious "saying our prayers" to which most of us are... often reduced... it stands out as something astonishingly robust, virile , and spontaneous."
C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

i robustly and spontaneously join with the children of Israel in Psalm 68 in saying " God's majesty shines down on us; He is the father to the fatherless; He places the lonely in families; He sets the prisoners free and gives them joy; He sends an abundance of rain to refresh the weary Promised Land; His strength is mighty in the heavens; God is awesome in the sanctuary; He gives power and strength to his people; PRAISE BE TO GOD!"

CHILDREN

2005-09-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

i love children. their hearts are beautiful. one of my yearbook staff members stood on the street corner today at lunch with a guitar and a three cornered colonial hat from the drama prop department playing notes and making up words for songs about how much the yearbook needs money. and though that was absolutely hilarious, the most amazing thing was that the other students gave him about twenty dollars. can you imagine a boy strumming and wailing about wages and pages? i took a mental picture of the colors and sounds and innocence that can be found even in a world that often seems so wrong. i love children. their hearts are beautiful.

HOORAY !!!

2005-09-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

i am "chortling in my joy" this morning for who is coming to see me this weekend but my dearest sister j-i-ll-o. she will be silly with me and we will laugh at ridiculous things that make the rest of the family look at us as if we were from some other planet or, at least, some other family. it will be fun to frolic about- perhaps watching charlie and the chocolate factory for the 4th time at some dollar theatre (by the by, if you have not seen this film, i highly recommend it. the children are not so convincing in their roles (except charlie who is just precious and delicious and i could eat him with a spoon); but the rest of the movie is smashing) . so the word of the day is "sister" because i am so happy to have mine.

IN THE MIDDLE

2005-09-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt caught in the middle of something that you know you should step up and say "cease. desist. there will be no more of this.", and yet it was as if an invisible force keeps the words stuffed in your mouth? facing this right now. very hard. here is a lovely, strange quote from one of my more creative students. "Sanity's requiem is only played with the moon's fiddle." what it means, i am not quite certain; but the letters come together in beautiful way.

ANNOYANCE

2005-09-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

friday night i was watching the hurricane relief concert hosted by matt lauer and was pleased to see so many different types of musicians and celebrities take the stage to help others, not use it as a platform for personal pleas and opinions. of course, i counted my chickens before they hatched because a certain rapper felt it necessary to nationally blame the president for the state of affairs on the coast. i certainly understand what the right to free speech means-both at the time of declaration and currently, as it has been twisted into something unrecognizable. i also truly believe we all have the "right" to our own conclusions about every situation; but i was just annoyed by the timing and vehicle through which it was announced. i am glad we have the ability to disagree and agree and to publicly cry our differences. i am just weary of the blaming game. but so stands the human race.

INTRIGUE

2005-08-31T12:32:00.000-07:00

it is always amazing to me, or possibly somewhat harrowing, that some humans can purposfully degrade another. there has to be some kind of flaw in the heart of a person who looks into the eyes of a soul encased in flesh and opens their mouth to spew some kind of poisonous , crippling word. i can only believe that children learn from the examples of their leaders, and so what have we shown them that allows them to give themselves permission to toss around deep-cutting insults and rumors and jokes like a harmless game of catch at dusk? these offenses are falling on the hearts of innocent people- most just trying to do what is right in their own little corner of the world; and the innocence is being driven out and a perversion of goodness is being left in its place- some kind of theory that we are only kind to those we "like" and all others must be disgraced. i hurt for every child who hears a cruel word; but i weep for those who valiantly attempt to live a life at peace and their dreams are threatened by those who choose cowardice over bravery. why is it that pleasure is so often found in the pain of something else?

BITS OF GOOD

2005-08-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

"Do a little of bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world."
Archbishop Desmond Tutu

FRESH

2005-08-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

this is all very new to me, seeing as paper is usually the receiver of my thoughts. i must prove to myself that the same artist who writes with pen can write with a changeable font and flashing line on an electronic screen. maybe it will stretch me; couldn't possibly break me.